I met Chloe through a friend and got to know her by attending her events where I always left feeling inspired, provoked, and like I was a part of something bigger. Below she shares tips on building communities, some good reads, and causes to support. Grab a friend and get to one of her delicious dinners this fall!

What was the highlight of your summer?

My partner’s family has a cabin in Western Massachusetts and we regularly escape the city to retreat there. It’s where I learned to cross-country ski (aka walk with skis), tap trees during maple syrup season, and where I first fell in love with him. Being very close with my family,. One weekend in August, my sister, brother-in-law and 18 month old niece joined us up there and it was pure magic.

How do you define community?

By definition, I’d define it as a group of 3 or more individuals who share a commonality and view themselves as a cohesive group. I went to a talk several years ago that went deep into the community weeds and broke it down using Ana Noemi’s Five Ingredients of Communities. I keep these principles in the back of my mind when I’m trying to foster a more meaningful community of purpose.

Why is community so important to you and which communities are you a part of now?

Over the last few decades, we have witnessed tremendous changes to how we gather. And that’s before social media comes into play. Humans, by birth, are connected beings. Yet, as we age, and our core network structures change, we are becoming more and more isolated. The number of American adults who say they are lonely has doubled since the 1980s and social isolation comes with many adverse risks to mental, physical and emotional health. Now, not only have social media and online dating changed how we interact with one another, but I think they further deprive us of community.

Community has always been a central tenet of my life -- tied to a sense of belonging, which gives me purpose and grounds me in the world. Without a community I crumble, which I learned the hard way with two years in the Peace Corps in Nicaragua. Though I developed wonderful friendships, which I still joyfully maintain, I did not find solace in any one community.

We met through your work with Changemaker Chats, what drew you to volunteer with them?

Upon returning to New York [after Nicaragua], I was determined to seek out and build a network with others who shared my values and interests. Thankfully, I was quickly connected to Changemaker Chats, which at the time was a small gathering of women looking for connection, inspiration, and wisdom from women who “walked the talk” and could reflect on their experiences. I stayed involved with the group for three years, helping them launch communities in other cities, mentoring and supporting other leaders, and expanding their reach through partnerships. It was a rewarding experience, particularly helping others make connections and feel that they too belonged.

What have been your biggest insights from all of your community-building experience?

I remember taking Sociology 101 in College and my professor said the best urban planners observe and find how people are using the space before they create a solution. I think the same principle holds true for community building. Most successful events are highly planned (I’ve even read 90% of what makes a gathering successful happens before the event takes place), but you have to find the balance between orchestrating and demanding.

Can you tell about us your In a Time of Chaos dinners and what inspired you to start these events this year?

Growing up with a single mother I was fortunate to have the feminist playbook early and while I will always be a stalwart supporter of women and their unique needs to gather as a group, with the rise of the Me Too movement my needs from a community changed. I needed an outlet to reflect how I was feeling and to discuss challenging subjects in an honest and vulnerable way with women and men. Together with a friend Alyssa Smaldino, we formed a bi-monthly dinner series called In a Time of Chaos where we invite 50 people for dinner into an aesthetically inspiring space and spark conversations about social justice.

Each dinner has a unique theme and experience: For example, when we focused on the environment, we worked with Ancolie, a zero-waste caterer that serves food in reusable glass jars, and gave out succulents as party favors. Our last dinner was on Justice and Reconciliation and so we brought in catering from Just Soul, a social enterprise helping to break down barriers to employment by hiring formerly incarcerated individuals, and highlighted various non-profits working in the space. (October’s theme was Power).

How can we build or feel apart of a community in our daily lives? I love going to these events (Chats, dinners, etc) but I’m often unsure how to continue my involvement online or in between the in-person meet-ups.

Oh, this is a tough one and I’m not sure anyone has truly cracked the nut on building the same enduring community on and off-line. I think one thing that makes these events special is the space and the rituals: At In a Time of Chaos, we incorporate Shabbat rituals with a twist and ask everyone to light two tea lights, say their own prayer, then to push the candles into the center of the table representing individuals together as a community. Also, by making sure that everyone leaves the event with one new friend or person that they would like to connect with outside, whether it be virtually or for drinks, it enhances the community.

Since we love to talk about our fears and following them, can you describe a time when you followed a fear or pushed yourself outside your comfort zone, and what you learned?

Somewhere along the way I developed the idea that quitting was bad. In a recent experience where I knew something was no longer healthy for me but felt I should persevere just to avoid “quitting,” I sought the advice of someone I deeply admired. I said to her, “I know this is no longer right for me, but I’m scared to move on.” She didn’t flinch before saying, “you need to leave AND you will be fine.” It was all the permission I needed to make the changes I knew I had to make and I haven’t looked back since.

What are you up to this fall?

I’m working on supporting a few political campaigns but one of the utmost importance is a Ballot Amendment to restore the voting rights of 1.4M individuals with a past felony conviction in Florida. It’s estimated that 1 in 10 voting age Floridians has lost the right to vote despite having paid his/her “debt to society”. This is the largest single voter rights legislation in American history since the Voting Rights Act of 1965 and would officially enfranchise the most individuals at one time since women’s suffrage…. Needless to say, it’s a really big deal. I encourage anyone to get involved, call friends and family in Florida and make sure they vote Yes on Amendment 4! More info here.

Any book recommendations for us on Community?
Two I really LOVE and happen to be written by badass women:

Belong by Radha Agrawal

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

How to Build Communities: Interview with Chloe Lew